Fifty is the new fifteen, or how I am aging backwards by being more myself

Two days ago, I turned fifty. It seems absolutely impossible, but it’s true.

It’s completely liberating.

I’ve loved my life up until now— I’ve experienced and enjoyed so much.  When I was 21, I was living in Kenya. When was 25, I met the man I’d marry. When I was 30 we bought a house. When I was 40 we paid off that house and I quit my teaching job that had served and inspired me for 16 years. At 41 I hiked the whole Appalachian Trail. At 45 I became a certified life coach. At 47 I joined my first dance troupe. In between all those milestones there have been so many little wonders. Tons of travel, exploring, camping, learning, reading, being, dancing, playing. Of course there’s also been grief, sadness, worry and anxiety, but there’s been far more joy.

The older I get the more I’m interested in simplicity— in less doing, more being. I'm learning to be fully present in any situation, rather than constantly surveying the horizon for the next opportunity or experience.  I'm looking internally to decide what's important.

I'm writing this from the beach in Destin, Florida, here for our annual Thanksgiving trip. My friend Amy stayed with me last weekend - we have known each other for 28 years, more than half our lives. We reminisced and remembered younger, sillier and sometimes wilder days, and also allowed ourselves to feel young and silly and wild. 

I baked homemade rainbow-colored cupcakes and Amy impulse-bought me a giant fuzzy caterpillar at the grocery store.  

It was the perfect gift at the perfect time. Amy says I still look like I'm 12 and she can't understand how that's possible. A friend wrote on a photo I posted yesterday, wearing my new rainbow flowered swimsuit ideal for a teen, (see pic below) that I looked "15 and 90 - radiant and wise." What a compliment.

There might be many reasons for this.  One, I've been very lucky to live a relatively easy life.  I haven't been aged much by trauma and outside circumstances. And then there's something I can't quite describe or understand, but I feel young inside. I always have and maybe I always will.  I'm not much for pretense or putting on airs. I'm pretty much a truth-teller.  I used to worry that I needed to be more "grown up" to be seen as "legit" by colleagues and clients, but I'm no longer so sure.

Being myself seems most real and most genuine.  And now that I'm 50, I'm excited to step into the power of being completely me, even more.  I can't wait to see what that looks like.

What to do when every day feels like Groundhog Day

It's not a groundhog. It's a nutria. The Louisiana version of a groundhog.

You know the movie, of course.   Bill Murray wakes up to the same day every day for a very very long time.

Ever feel that way in real life?  Like if you have to wash that pot, clean that sink, choose an outfit, go to the store again(!) or even bathe, that you'll lose it?  Ever feel tired of the routines of daily life?

Ever clear out your in box only to find it full twenty minutes later and wonder what the heck the point is?  Like when you reply to all the people you've been putting off replying to, and then they REPLY BACK and you're right back to where you started?

Ever wonder how to get to the main thing, the big ideas, the real meat of life, when so much of your time is spent simply going through the actions of general subsistence, like eating, sleeping and keeping yourself generally presentable?

Ever feel like you've done enough for one day by 8:30 a.m. and now it should be nap time?

I get it.  I crave a day of catch up for every day of life.

But that's not how it works.  So when you're feeling groundhogged out, try one or two of these easy strategies to reboot and refresh. (You know them - this is just a reminder, because I need a reminder too!)

Embrace the mundane.  Stop to really smell the dish soap, hear the water running. Feel the warm suds.  See the squeaky clean plate.  Use your senses to bring you to the present moment. Close your eyes and listen. To voices of kids, coworkers, sweethearts.  To breezes.  Feel textures, temperatures.  See the colors around you.  Locate the light. Breathe.  Try it right now for just thirty seconds.

Slow down even when you're sure you're behind.  Catching up isn't really attainable, because there's always going to be more.  So slowing down and enjoying might work just as well.  Trees don't say, "Oh good,  I'm caught up photosynthesising, finally!  Now I can relax."

Pretend you're an angel for a day and that your only job is to radiate gratitude, love and kindness.  Whether or not you get to your in box.  Or tackle that pile of projects, laundry, whatever. Remember how Bill Murray gets kinder, happier, and more pleasant by the end of the movie?  And you realize he could have chosen that option from the start?  Choose it.

Abandon your productivity goals and go outside.  Take a five minute walk. Ask the sky, birds, trees or flowers for some advice.  Chances are it's going to be good, and that it involves something about paying attention, gratitude, grace, happiness or love.

Notice that you are FINE right now. You're breathing.  Your senses work.  You are not in danger, most likely.  (Unless there's a land shark ringing your doorbell...)  Breathe into your okayness.  Notice if you're actually better than okay.  And even if you're sick, or close to death, or really really sad, or just fighting the common cold like I am today, remember that fundamentally, in this exact moment, you are still ok.

Do something different. If your routines are boring you, shake them up. Wear something you don't usually wear.  Go somewhere you don't usually go.  Talk to someone you wouldn't normally talk to.  Ask for something you don't usually ask for. Choose a radio station you wouldn't usually listen to.  Comment on something you wouldn't usually comment on.

Clear your space.  If you're overwhelmed by clutter, just sweep off a big area - a shelf, your desk, your nightstand --  and make a space.  Ahh.  Now you can see and think.  And decide one by one if whatever you cleared gets permission to return to the space or whether it's time to let it go.

Do it now.  Do something.  Take some action, even if it's not perfect.  Sometimes the best way out of a Groundhog Day-type rut is just to do something.  Set the timer for 15 minutes and get started.  Notice how great you feel and see if the momentum helps you continue.

Try again later.  Yes - it's the opposite of do it now.  Sometimes the best thing you can do is step away, abandon it all for an hour or two-- or a day or two-- and then come back with clear eyes.  Pick something pleasant to occupy your time in the meantime.  A nap, a walk, a piece of fruit, time with a pet, time to gaze out the window and watch the weather.

It's just life, people.  It's ok to drop the desperation for accomplishment and just savor the moment.  You know it, so let yourself feel it and really do it. If you're Bill Murray, you might even get the girl!

Six choices to live more Wild and Precious

I used to have a poster in my classroom when I was an 8th grade teacher – it was my favorite. It said, “Who runs your life? You do! You choose: your friends, your attitude, your goals, your dreams - It’s your life – make it a good one!”   I guess I had life coach tendencies even way back then! I referred to that poster all the time.

Check out this blurry version of the poster blown up from a snapshot I found of my former classroom.

That poster is right.  You choose.  Try these six choices to live more wild and precious and see what you think!

1. Choose what you really love, and don't skip it, no matter what. I love sitting in the grass, restoring my mind and spirit in nature, so I make sure it happens. Even if it’s a quick break in the grass in the front yard, I don’t skip it. I’ve taken to stopping by the Mississippi River on my way home from meetings just for a few minutes. It makes my day feel more delicious and expansive. I coach my local clients outside whenever I can so we can both soak in the grounding and healing power of the natural environment.   What do you most love? What would you do if you had a completely free day? Put a little taste of that in your every day.

Willows by the Mississippi River.

2. Choose what you want to learn, and practice a little every day. I’m still learning a ton about dancing, so I attend dance class every week. Even though it still takes me forever to internalize the steps, I’m getting better! I also love reading new books or taking classes about self-help, coaching, and all kinds of other topics. What do you want to learn more about? What skill do you want to develop? Make sure you carve out time for that regularly.

3. Choose to be spontaneous whenever you can. – This is my favorite! Recently I was invited with less than 24 hours notice to go with a group of women to the Black Pot Festival, a Cajun dance, music, food and camping event a couple of hours away. My first reaction was, “I can’t do that –  I have so much work to catch up on!” Then I thought, “Wild and Precious, Wild and Precious!” I realized I could easily pack a tent and some clothes and have an amazing 24 hour vacation with tons of dancing, music, campfires and camaraderie! That’s when the idea for this Wild and Precious post was born.We made a silly “Wild and Precious” rap, sung to the tune of “Black and Yellow.” We created a Wild and Precious hand sign like people used to do with sorority letters back in college. We danced and played and stayed up until all hours.

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On another weekend recently, a small group of us headed to Ship Island, but it was blowing too hard and the ferry wasn’t running. Rather than scrap the trip, we made a quick decision to keep driving east, almost all the way to Florida! We had an amazing day at the beach – maybe even better than if we had been able to stick with our original plan.

Wild and Precious at the Beach!

When a fun opportunity comes up, do you get practical and skip it? Or do you choose to see if you can embrace the chance for something different? Try choosing spontaneity!

4. Choose to check out when you need a break. At heart, I’m an introvert. I need quiet time, and time to recharge. I like time to nap or stare out the window. So sometimes I need to say no to fun opportunities that come up and stay home and enjoy being by myself. You know yourself best. Pay attention to your body and see what it really wants – time to be adventurous or time to cocoon?

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5. Choose real relationships over digital ones, always, (and what feels good over what looks good.) In this social media era, you can easily find yourself caught up interacting with some online post instead of the person in the room with you, or imagining how to turn what’s happening into a pretty Instagram pic or Facebook post. But that’s never really the point. My most recent example of this was Halloween. Even though we live in New Orleans, ground zero for Halloween festivities, and Halloween was on a Friday night, we decided to lay pretty low. No big costumes or parties for us. We rode our bikes to our friends’ house, chatted and enjoyed tortilla soup, admired some spooky decorations in the neighborhood, and headed to bed early. It was perfect. It didn’t make for scintillating social media updates, and that was just fine.   Most of us desire deep meaningful connection and we have to consciously disconnect from the pull of our computers, tablets and phones to do that.

We skipped the crowds like on this packed to the gills streetcar heading downtown!

6. Choose self-care without fail. For me, this means a lot of #4. Rest. Naps. Unscheduled unstructured time. I crave that! It also means preparing and eating delicious healthy foods. Decide what self-care looks like for you. Prioritize it. It’s really hard to live your wild and precious life when you are hungry, stressed and exhausted!

The big idea: living your wild and precious life requires paying attention to what you really want and need, moment to moment. Just like the poster in my old classroom said, It’s your life! You choose. Make it a good one!

Share your own wild and precious tips in the comments, or use the tag, #wildandprecious to share examples of how you live your wild and precious life! We’re all different and I’d love to hear what makes your life wild and precious!

Ten ways Burning Man is like hiking the Appalachian Trail, and one way it's completely different

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I’ve done them both.  Hiked the entire AT in 2009. And this year?  Attended Burning Man.  Two quintessential “bucket list” items for many. Folks are curious and excited to hear about my adventures, and how they compared to what they’ve read or heard.  Both experiences snatch you out of your comfort zone and deposit you into a new world with different priorities and expectations.

Here's my take on what Burning Man and hiking the AT have in common:

1. There are a million ways to do it. On the AT, there’s a saying: “Hike your own hike.”  At Burning Man, it’s “Own your burn.”  You choose how, when, and where to participate. Focus on the daytime or the nighttime (yes, I met a thru hiker on the AT who completed the lion’s share of his miles after dark.)  Enjoy it on your own or with a ton of people.  Do it in the lap of luxury with fancy gear, fancy food, fancy clothes, or on the cheap, with a sarong or shorts and a reliance on serendipity to provide what you need.   Both on the AT and at Burning Man, you still bring yourself.  If you’re an optimist you’ll see the fun and wonder. If you're a glass half empty type, you’ll find plenty to complain about.  Me?  I loved Burning Man!  I enjoyed it late at night, riding my bicycle from light to light in the open playa, finding amazing art or perhaps a grilled cheese stand set up at 4 a.m. in the middle of nowhere. I loved it in the early morning as the first rays of light hit the mountains surrounding the Black Rock Desert, touching the gigantic sculptures.  I loved walking and bicycling alone, just me and the stars and Milky Way, and I loved joining in with giant dance parties under black lights.  I loved slipping into a big crowd and I loved having a heart to heart conversation with a new friend.   I loved staying in camp and watching the world go by, art cars driving past spewing flames and playing disco, and people stopping to play with our giant Jenga game. And as a first-time attendee, I know I only scratched the surface of what's possible.

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2.  The age range is more diverse than you might imagine.  Both on the AT and at Burning Man, there’s a big bunch of people who are either in their 20s or retired.  It’s often easier for folks at these stages of life to drop what they’re doing and head out on an extended adventure.  However, there are people of all ages.  Kids, babies, families – all manner of folks who have made it a priority to incorporate wanderlust and whimsy into their daily lives.

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3. There’s an online mythology and a year-round community that get you thinking about the possibilities of how your "regular life" could be so different. You can learn a lot about either of these incredible experiences via message boards, Facebook groups, videos, images, how-tos, coffee table books, personal accounts and more. While Burning Man happens for one week in the desert in August and thru hiker season generally runs from March through September, both of these communities stay connected  via events and get-togethers all year.  Some people are so moved or changed by the experience that they devote large chunks of their lives to sustaining and promoting it.  They volunteer.  They find ways to support and serve other participants.  They go back, over and over.  They feel most at home with others who have shared the adventure.  The philosophies are similar. Burning Man’s ten principles resonate beautifully with what you need to do to successfully complete a thru hike, and the lessons from both experiences alter the way you see the regular world.

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4. Magic permeates both worlds.   Both communities have sayings about how “The Trail Provides” or “The Playa Provides”.  Both experiences are enchantingly infused with moments of synchronicity.  On the AT, “trail magic” in the form of surprising edible treats or rides to town makes all the difference for weary hikers.  At Burning Man, it seems as soon as you talk about something, you conjure it up.  We were dancing at this incredible outdoor club around 3 a.m., when one of the guys in our group mentioned this amazing service where you can brush your teeth in the middle of the dance party.  Not moments later, we noticed an adorable red cart with a light-up tooth perched atop it.  People were gathered around it, selecting brand-new wrapped toothbrushes hanging on a string across the cart, dispensing toothpaste, getting drinks of water and rinsing in a tiny sink – all in the dark in the middle of the night while techno music blared and fire blasted from portals on the stage around the DJ and from columns all around us.  Surreal and definitely magical!  On a different night, one of the guys in our group wore a three piece suit, convinced that this was the night he would run across the pop–up martini bar in the middle of the desert.  Sure enough, as we bicycled across the dark dusty playa, orange lights in the distance beckoned us to a full martini bar complete with comfy chairs and tables, jazzy music and top-shelf drinks in light up glasses!  Captivating!

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5. Some believe that the crowds and publicity have ruined the experience. I’ve heard the same complaints about Burning Man and the AT.  There are too many people.    They’re wrecking it for everyone else. Old-timers reminisce about the way it was back at the beginning, when there was more self-reliance, more moxie, less gear, fewer gadgets. Technology is infiltrating both experiences, and people have varying opinions as to whether this is a good or bad thing.  My thoughts are that change is inevitable, and that both of these communities can handle the shifts that come.  I believe there’s enough of a collective culture to maintain the essence of what’s most important about both of these experiences.

6.  You will get dirty.  If you have an issue with filth, dirt, dust, mud and not showering regularly, you should take both Burning Man and the AT off your list.  I went through a giant pack of wet wipes at Burning Man – my camp mate said I was like a cat, wiping out my ears, cleaning my face and hands constantly!  On the AT, I could splash in a stream or creek nearly every day – at Burning Man all waste water needs to be collected or evaporated so it’s more complicated.  Both places offer opportunities for getting clean – showers in hostels and hotels and sometimes even on the trail on the AT, and at Burning Man, an incredible group shower rumored to be hosted by the son of Dr. Bronner, where you can have the best-smelling most wonderful soapy foam sprayed on you and rinsed off while you crowd naked into the “human carcass wash” with 60 other dancing happy people at a time!  Great fun and one of my favorite memories!

7. Go ahead and do your research, but you can't be completely prepared for what you encounter. And yes, you will be changed.  No matter how much research you’ve done, something about the experience will surprise you and shift your perspective. You'll try things you didn't know you could do.  You'll see things you've never seen before.  You'll be amazed at your own capabilities.  I know that six months on the AT changed me – you can read how here (and it's amazing how what I wrote about the AT is so similar to what I hear from folks about how Burning Man changed them.) I’m still trying to determine what’s different about me since Burning Man.  I've been turning over the memories in my mind, noticing what I return to.  It may be a little while before I've completely assimilated my big change from Burning Man.  I know this - I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of creative projects, from art cars to interactive sculptures to clever and humorous camps, events, offerings - it was a carnival for the senses! - and it inspired me to remember what is possible when people rely on their fantastic imaginations.

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8. You'll create lifelong bonds in a very short time, and you'll be blown away by the generosity of fellow humans.  When you spend one stormy night with other hikers in a drafty leaky shelter, you bond for good.  You share your energy bars and your hot chocolate.  You sing or tell stories to pass the time. You learn more about each other than about coworkers you've known for years.  When you spend five hours in the Burning Man Will Call line getting rained and hailed on while lightning strikes the mountains surrounding you, you form a little family with your line-mates.  You gather under the one umbrella.  You share your snacks and water.  You find each other later, hugging like long-lost friends.  People you met for just a few moments or just one evening become people you welcome into to your home when they're traveling through.  Both on the trail and at Burning Man, I was overwhelmed by the generosity of people giving because they can.  While hiking I received a ride to a town over an hour away to get new shoes when I needed them, and multiple times I was treated to deluxe meals by lovely people who simply wanted to cook for hikers.  At Burning Man there are so many gifts - from the peanut butter and jelly cart that wandered the city every day offering folks a station to make a sandwich to the Fish Camp that grilled, prepared and served hundreds of pounds of fresh tuna and salmon to any one lucky enough to find them.  I enjoyed snow cones and lemonade, and any number of other fabulous drinks. I got free bunny ears and face painting for the Million Bunny March Against Humanity, which was humorously crashed by carrots looking for their own rights.  I was gifted so much beautiful handmade jewelry that I couldn't wear it all at once.  I could have picked out lingerie or costume supplies.  I could have ridden on the two story zip line.  There were so many workshops, encounters, parties, dances, performances - hundreds and hundreds of them!

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9. You'll forget the hardships, remember the highlights, and miss your trail/playa persona. While there you'll crave certain things that are harder to get like showers or clean cozy beds or time with your loved ones, but when you return home, the happiest of memories will expand to fill your brain with endorphins.  You'll forget the sore legs and feet from miles of hiking or the bruised butt from endless bicycle riding on the dusty playa.  You'll remember the spectacles – the views, the burns, the interactive art, the wildlife.  You'll remember connections with amazing people, and you'll remember stretching your capabilities and boundaries beyond what you knew you could do.  You'll miss being called by your playa name or trail name, and you'll miss living in a different world that happily removed you from ads, news and other cultural static.  Personally, I'm lucky to live a very free life in New Orleans, where I can wear and be whoever I want every day, so I didn't feel I needed to be a completely different person on the AT or on the playa, but I still loved dropping all the external routines and constraints and living completely differently.

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10. Fire is important, and Nature wins.  On the AT, people call campfires “hiker TV”.  They’re a place to gather, warm yourselves, share your stories, dry your boots and maybe cook your food.  Burning Man takes the fascination with fire to a whole new level.  Everything that can spew fire does.  It's amazing seeing the playa light up for blocks and blocks from the fire blowing through a small spout on one tiny art car or watching the giant man burn for over an hour before he falls.  Yet no matter what people create, Nature has the final say.  Heavy morning rains shut down Black Rock City for an entire day, and dust storms completely hid giant sculptures from view. On the AT, you can jeopardize your well-being or even your life if you ignore the weather or are unprepared for it, and that's true on the playa as well.

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And that brings me to the way that Burning Man and hiking the AT are completely different:

Burning Man encourages over-stimulation and venerates the constructed world, while hiking the AT encourages solitude and venerates the natural world. Burning Man is fast, loud, nonstop, in your face, constant, 24 hour, party-centric, with rarer moments of quiet and grace, while the AT is stillness, meditation, openness, with rarer moments of loudness and celebration.

If I personally had to choose just one?

I would pick the AT.  I don’t need an expensive ticket to enter the wilderness of the Appalachian Trail.  Nature rejuvenates me more deeply than booming techno club music, which is virtually inescapable at Burning Man, no matter how deeply into the playa you cycle.  I would rather happen across a wild bear than a shirtless guy in fur pants and a fuzzy hat.  I missed nature so much during Burning Man!  I greeted every fly, gnat and moth I saw (less than a dozen total) with gratitude.  The four birds I witnessed flying across the playa were met with wonder and thanks.  The two different kangaroo mice at the temple were such special encounters – I don’t know if they survived its immolation, but I didn’t know how to help them.  I watched and noticed the stars, the mountains, the sky, the sun.  (Others did too; every evening as the sun dips behind the mountains, wolf cries and hollers emanate from the camps as people honor the transition from day to night.)

I generally don’t go to cities on vacation – I go to woods, beaches, mountains, valleys.  So while I loved the unbelievable artwork of Burning Man and the creativity of everything from the theme camps to the poems in the porta-potties exhorting people not to throw wipes in them,  I missed trees, grass and flowers.  I prefer nature to the constructed world, even when that world is dazzling, whimsical, awe-inspiring, huge, fantastic, and full of friendly, interesting, creative people.

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Happily, I don’t have to choose.  I know for certain that my feet will walk on leafy trails marked with white blazes of the AT many more times, and I have a hunch my toes will once again touch the dust of the playa at Black Rock City.

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How about you?  Have you hiked on the AT or been to Burning Man?  Or do you dream of doing either?  Which would you choose if you had to pick?

Rethinking "your one wild and precious life"

You know the quote, right?  "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"  It's from a poem by Mary Oliver called "The Summer Day". And it's everywhere, including a version in the name of this blog. Here's what's interesting:this line, taken out of context, sounds like a prompt to get rolling. Get going. Do something for goodness sake! Be more productive! Be more! Do more! Succeed! Achieve! Go places!  You only have one life after all! YOLO and all that!

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However, the poem has a very different tone.  The question comes at the end of the poem after Mary explains that she's been sitting watching a grasshopper and strolling through the grass all day, "idle and blessed".  The poem seems to challenge the reader to tell her what would have been a better use of her time. Take a moment to read the poem here. Or listen to Mary herself read it here.

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Do you feel too busy?  Do you feel like your whole calendar is mapped out, weeks or months in advance?  As the warm weather of summer arrives, do you wish for time to savor it?

You have a choice.  You have a choice to stop to notice the clouds or splash in a puddle, watch a lizard or greet the songbirds.  You have a choice to go walking in fields or woods or suburban streets.  You have so much more time than you think you have.

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So with that in mind and summer at your doorstep, do you have a different answer to Mary's question?  What do you want to savor during this wild and precious summer? Email me or share in the comments!

Need some help savoring?  Check out Pie in the Sky, my quick and fantastic summer class that will teach you how to savor summer and get some stuff done, too!  It's all recorded and ready to go for you, with lots of goodies!  Spend just one hour and gain tons of savoring ideas. Details here.