It's probably not too late.

Is there something you've been agonizing about - something that you wish you had done but you didn't do yet?  That your mind tells you it's too late to do? This happens to me all the time with all kinds of things. As I work on my writing, as I plan to send letters that I don't send, as I consider options I haven't taken yet. My mind cries, "Too late! Too late!" Another version of this is being "so behind." As in, "I'm so behind. I'll never catch up." It could be laundry, it could be a training or a course you're taking, it could be sharing or organizing photos, dealing with your email or planning a trip.

The thing is, telling yourself it's too late or you're behind does nothing to motivate you, and doesn't solve the problem. If it really, genuinely is too late, then let it go, with compassion. Face forward and see what's before you, and choose your path from the options that are available. If it's not too late, then take a step. Take any small step. This is the main way I get things done, with a series of small steps that occasionally bloom into a bunch of really big steps. Early this morning, just before writing this, I went out into the front yard to enjoy sitting in the grass with the cats, and there was our resident box turtle, striding across the lawn and into the petunias.  She gets far with her little steps; if you go in to get the camera, by the time you come out she may be impossible to find again! Here's a photo of her in the back yard a couple of weeks ago:

Right now, think of something you've been berating yourself about - about being behind or too late with. Can you either kindly release it or take a small turtle step?  I promise you will feel better. Quiet the part of you that wants to shame you for taking this long. Instead, honor your fallible humanness, and honor all the things you have been doing instead of this particular step.

30 Day Challenge: Day 17 - getting through the doldrums

"It's not happening fast enough!""I've been so good, I should feel different!" "I've worked consistently; I should have more to show for it!" "I'm sooo tired!" "I don't think this is working."

Ahh yes. During the second half of a challenge there's a possibility of hitting the doldrums.  Just as  a journey from the North to the South Pole means a stop around the equator where the winds suddenly die down to nothing, the middle part of any challenge, project, marathon run, extended hiking trip or any other undertaking often includes a slackening of the sails, a low spot, a dim point.  Sometimes this is caused by incremental and undetected raising of the bar (see yesterday's post.) Or by failure to remember to celebrate all the small victories - the four day wins (by day 17 there should have been four celebrations - four big treats! Are you forgetting about the treats?  Are you still believing that you don't deserve any treats?)  Sometimes it's just caused by realizing that there's still half way to go.  Or that turning this challenge into a lifetime habit still seems overwhelming.

Step out of the doldrums.  Give yourself a treat! Or take a nap.  Or change something up.  Or go back and really celebrate, really internalize how far you've already come.  Look at the x's on your calendar, or the stickers on your planner, or the journal entries or writing you've done.  Pat yourself on the back.  Remind yourself that life is to be enjoyed, not slogged through.

On that note, I'm headed out to a wine bar with my honey.  I spent my drawing time tweaking my bowl of key limes, but it doesn't look significantly different in a photo.  I'm happy with it now and planning to start something new and possibly more playful tomorrow.  Here are the bougainvilleas in the yard from just after grass time.

If you're in the doldrums, shake it off and go celebrate your progress so far!  And if you're not, go celebrate anyway!  Either way, there's cause for celebration!

30 Day Challenge Day 7: Have to or choose to?

Which feels better:  "I have to do it" or "I choose to do it?"  Because I don't have to do this 30 day challenge.  I don't have to do most things in life.  I don't have to eat healthy or pay my bills or be nice to people or clean the house or practice meditation. Most of the time, I choose to do these things, or at least some of them. I'm choosing to do this 30 day challenge because I want to prioritize creativity in my day.  I'm choosing to keep at it because I want to see what happens.

If I think to myself, "Ugh.  I have to go draw right now because I said I would" it feels like a chore.  Like an imposition from some external place.  Like following a diet or an organization plan.  Like it's not my choice.

But if I think to myself, "Yay!  I'm taking care of myself by prioritizing my creativity and playing with colors and paper and seeing what happens!  I can't wait!" - now that feels much better.

I can believe either thought.  They both go with the circumstance of taking on a 30 day challenge.  I'm picking the second one.  And check out what I can do when I give myself 30 minutes of play with paper!

I was inspired by this artist's work that I cut out and put in a notebook years ago.  I think I'm going to do something similar with my picture of two cardinals that I copied out of Peterson's bird book.  Lately I'm into copying (not tracing - just copying to get the main gist) from something already two-dimensional.  That's what feels fun.

Now I'm excited about playing with this drawing some more tomorrow and making it all whimsical and dreamlike!

And here's a view from my grass time spot.  These little Mexican petunias look a little like crinkly tissue paper after all the rain.

30 Day Challenge: Day 6 - Disaster?

I don't know about you, but I'm so good about creating a bunch of rules, following them for a few days, breaking them and then feeling crappy.  I think this is how most diets go, no?  Or any kind of resolution? I am so very determined to approach this whole thing differently this time.

I have to admit my ulterior motives.  I'm letting myself draw daily because I secretly want to have it make me more productive in other ways.  I guess this would be the same as someone saying daily affirmations, but what they really want is for that to help them lose weight.

So today, I drew.  I had my grass time.  I even cleaned under the sink, dusted and attended to my paper piles (which are pretty much non-existent because I deal with them every day- yay!)  And I made a cake.  Vegan.  From scratch.  (I am not a vegan, not even a vegetarian, but I was curious so gave it a shot.  Not bad!)  So my inner critic should be happily checking off the list, giving me gold stars, waving her pompoms around - something!

Instead, I'm thinking about how an unscheduled day where I had grand plans to work on some bigger projects (those ones I keep avoiding) slipped away.  I did take some turtle steps and I may do a little more later, but still - I can feel my body reacting with tension from my mind's thoughts about how I didn't do enough.

And that's what's made this type of challenge unsustainable for me in the past.  Doesn't matter what I do, my mind gets disappointed, pointing out all the other stuff that didn't get done.

So I'm just listening to my body.  Feeling it protest  -  agreeing with it. "Yes, this tight jaw is going to make this thing unsustainable... I understand...let's go lay down and just breathe and relax for five minutes. I know - just ignore the mind - five minutes isn't going to make or break anything.  Body, you get to call the shots. I'm listening more this time."

It would so help if today's drawing remotely resembled the original photo.

Photo:

Drawing:

Don't judge - believe me - I have already noted every single thing that isn't working!  I'm not trying to make a living as an artist - I'm just trying to let myself play, and drawing and coloring and playing around with trying to match the colors was fun, even if the outcome wasn't so fabulous.

Here's the very best part that I've saved for last.  These little guys keep showing up to remind me to SLOW DOWN!!  Take a breath for goodness sake!  I saw a dozen of them in about a two foot area during post-rain grass time today!

So no, today was not a disaster.  I have homemade vegan cake for goodness sake!  And tofu cream to put on top (frosting alternative- jury's still out).  And I am breathing.  And I am grateful and lucky!

Wrenches - what to do when they get thrown in...

Wrenches.  Unexpected events or occurrences that get tossed into the machinery of life.  As in, "Well, that really put a wrench in it!" What do we do when we start our day all ready for productivity and greatness and then find a wrench stuck in the machine?

I think my answer is to watch for distortion.  I was going to write about distortion anyway today, and then the universe provided me with a giant unexpected wrench.  Here's what happened.

My bicycle was stolen.  Yes, that cute one on the right that I just took on a Fourth of July picnic with my honey.  That one.  It was stolen while locked up on an extremely busy street in the French Quarter in broad daylight.  (Oh how I hate to tell you this, because I love my city and I don't want you to think ill of it.)  I haven't given much thought to who did it or how - in fact I'm strangely unable to wish the thief or thieves ill.  I hope somehow that something shifts in a positive way for them- some kind of change or lesson.  But that is not my business. I don't know their story and I never will.

So I ironically asked myself, "What's perfect about this?"  Not a whole heck of a lot. First I just felt disoriented and kind of stupid.  Was I sure that's where I'd parked it? Was that the light post I'd attached it to?  Then I just felt crappy. And I allowed myself to feel crappy - I even shed a brief tear of frustration and general ickiness. A little bit of "poor me." But I stuck with my plans and had a lovely lunch with a friend who was able to pick me up and drive me home too.  I had a bag full of goodies from LUSH that I'll be sharing with my retreat participants. (By the way, there's still room in the retreat if you want to check it out!) I wasn't missing anything except the bike.

I wish this story ended like the wallet story, with me turning the corner and forgetting I'd parked the bike in a completely different place, but alas, that's not the case.  However, when I got home, my sweetheart hugged me and said, "I'm so sorry this happened to you.  You need a bike - let's go get you a new one tomorrow." And we can do that.  We have enough money.  We have enough and more than enough, of everything.

So what about distortion? Well I find that my mind can sometimes go into distortion mode.  Sky is falling mode.  Interestingly, my mind is generally better in the face of minor tragedies like petty theft.  My mind's preferred subject of distortion is in day to day dealings.  It likes to distort how long something's going to take, or how hopeless everything's going to be if I've missed one day of a habit I'm trying to take up.

So next time you're dealing with a major or minor wrench in your plans, watch your mind.  Is it going into distortion mode?  Is it whipping up a giant story about how awful everything is or is going to be?  Ask yourself if you need to believe your mind, or just look around at the actual circumstances, and deal with them in the best way you know how.