Does it count?

Have you ever told yourself, "Well, that doesn't count," when working toward a goal?

I’m fascinated about what we consider to "count" when we're keeping track of a goal or intention.  I hear this phrase, "that doesn't count" from clients regularly - so it might be something you're saying to yourself too.

When I was hiking the Appalachian Trail, the only miles I cared about were trail miles. I knew I had over 2000 miles to hike and I wanted to preserve every bit of my strength for hiking those miles.  During town stops, resupplying my food and doing laundry, I hated having to walk any distance further than I had to, because those miles "didn't count." I remember at the time thinking this was so silly, how my mind only saw the trail miles as worthy and valuable. If I wasn't careful, this line of thinking would keep me from taking a half mile detour to a beautiful overlook. Eventually I learned to appreciate miles that "didn't count" when there was something beneficial to me, whether it was an ice cream stand or a waterfall just off the trail. I needed to teach myself that those miles counted just as much; they were part of my journey even if I couldn't officially record them in my accumulated mileage toward my final goal.

Failing to "count" things can happen in regular life too. For example, every year I prioritize taking walks to immerse in and appreciate nature. Some days, when I'm walking short distances through beautiful New Orleans neighborhoods past blooming camellias and stately oak trees, on the way to a meeting or running an errand, I tell myself, "Well, this doesn't actually count - I didn't purposefully set out to take a walk in nature."  

Isn't that silly? Why not allow these small walks to count? Then I could marvel at all the wonders I might normally wait to notice on a longer "official" walk. I could tune into the quality of the light, the tiny ferns growing on tree trunks, the smooth texture of the crape myrtle bark, and the mosses living in cracks between the bricks. I could greet the sparrows flitting through the maple branches, the crows perched high in the water oak, and the squirrels chasing each other in the cypress tree, all in the few blocks between my car and the coffee shop. I could breathe deeply and gain the joy in the moment that I'm seeking from longer walks in nature.

What in your life are you not allowing yourself to count because it seems too insignificant? Is there a way you can give credit to pockets of quiet meditative time that might not look like "official" meditation? Or quality moments with family members that aren't formally scheduled? Or ways you move your body or care for your health that your fitbit might not be recording?

How might your internal state change if more of your daily life "counted"?  You'll find yourself doing spiritual practices in the grocery store (a great place to send lovingkindness to strangers) or stopping to see pollen-laden honeybees in the flowers, like this one in the camellia that I saw yesterday on my "unofficial" nature walk. 

It's probably not too late.

Is there something you've been agonizing about - something that you wish you had done but you didn't do yet?  That your mind tells you it's too late to do? This happens to me all the time with all kinds of things. As I work on my writing, as I plan to send letters that I don't send, as I consider options I haven't taken yet. My mind cries, "Too late! Too late!" Another version of this is being "so behind." As in, "I'm so behind. I'll never catch up." It could be laundry, it could be a training or a course you're taking, it could be sharing or organizing photos, dealing with your email or planning a trip.

The thing is, telling yourself it's too late or you're behind does nothing to motivate you, and doesn't solve the problem. If it really, genuinely is too late, then let it go, with compassion. Face forward and see what's before you, and choose your path from the options that are available. If it's not too late, then take a step. Take any small step. This is the main way I get things done, with a series of small steps that occasionally bloom into a bunch of really big steps. Early this morning, just before writing this, I went out into the front yard to enjoy sitting in the grass with the cats, and there was our resident box turtle, striding across the lawn and into the petunias.  She gets far with her little steps; if you go in to get the camera, by the time you come out she may be impossible to find again! Here's a photo of her in the back yard a couple of weeks ago:

Right now, think of something you've been berating yourself about - about being behind or too late with. Can you either kindly release it or take a small turtle step?  I promise you will feel better. Quiet the part of you that wants to shame you for taking this long. Instead, honor your fallible humanness, and honor all the things you have been doing instead of this particular step.

The New Year - Need a Boost?

My goodness - already! We are almost a month into the new year.  Maybe you made some resolutions, maybe you didn’t, as so many of us have read that “resolutions don’t work”.  You’ve probably at least had a thought or two (or a 5-page manifesto) about how you’d like to improve your life in the new year.

If you’ve implemented those changes and are sticking to them, congratulations - that is awesome!  

If not, here are 7 steps to getting rolling again, right now, regardless of what day it is.  It does not have to be January 1, or a Monday, or the beginning of any month to begin again.  Today is a perfect time.

1. Seek help.  You don’t have to do this alone.  Even if you started great on your own, if you’re finding yourself flagging, get some help.  Hire someone to help - with personal training, housecleaning, wellness coaching, writing, etc.  Find a friend to join you and work on your goals together.  Create or join a group. Set up a text message system with a buddy where you support each other through the tough spots.

2. Master and embrace the small step.  This is the hardest thing for me and for my clients. Why? Because you really want to do your new thing for 30 minutes a day or an hour a day.  You envision a future with all kinds of wide-open time to be able to do this.  You don’t want to start doing a new habit for only ten minutes a day.  How do you write a book in ten minutes a day?  However, the best steps are very small ones taken consistently.  If you had planned to spend an hour a day writing and have only done that twice in the past 14 days, you would have been ahead by 20 minutes of time invested had you just spent 10 minutes each day.  Crazy but true.  And wouldn’t 10 minutes a day have seemed easy?  And then you wouldn’t have had to berate yourself the other 12 days, which leads us to…

3. Have compassion for yourself. Nothing kills a goal-setting program faster than meanness toward yourself.  Just stop it.  Direct all that energy back toward your goal.  See above and take the tiniest little step.  Then do it again tomorrow.  And remind yourself you are awesome.

4. Return to the big picture.  Ask yourself why?  Why did you decide this shift in the new year was important?  Why are you doing this?  What is your long term goal or outcome?  How will your life be fabulously better as you embrace this new routine, goal or habit?  Remember to imagine the long term result of what you are working on and why it is important to you. Imagine it as you drift off to sleep.  Come back to your why.

5. Prioritize your feelings. It is much much much easier to make change from a positive feeling state.  Focusing on your big why can help you get back to that warm feeling of why you were making this change in the first place, and give you some energy to keep going.  Allow yourself to be in a positive emotional place now, while you work toward your goal.  You don’t have to postpone your happiness.

6. Wrangle your thinking.  Your mind has a terrible habit of ballooning any missed day as the end of the world.  It will then throw every other failure in your face.  It will remind you that you are not worthy or capable.  That is OK.  Minds are just like that.  Be gentle with your mind.  It is trying to help you and protect you with these thoughts and keep you safe in “no-change land”.  Soothe your mind with a gentle word or two and then keep going.  

7. Tell the truth.  Your mind also loves to twist around circumstances and blame something else.  The weather.  Another person . An unforeseen circumstance.  Gently stick with the truth.  You can run when it’s 30 degrees.  You can write when it’s dark.  You can stay off social media between 10 pm and 7:30 a.m.  even when you’d prefer to stay up all night watching David Bowie tribute videos. (This one is mine- call me out if you see me on social media after 10 p.m. central!)  Be gently truthful with yourself.  You are capable of making these changes, big or small. You do have what it takes. You are worthy. You are amazing!  

Need a little boost? Email me your tiny daily step (try for something 10 minutes or less), then go do it, then email me when you complete it.  I will be thrilled to cheer you on!

If You Feel Frantic Because It's Already January 4, You Need To Read This.

Do you get a nervous sensation around the new year? I used to write practically the same list every year of all the ways I would be a better person this year. More patient, kinder, fitter, with way more willpower.  Less distractable. More focused. More driven. More goal-oriented.  

And less than a week in, when I'd been impatient, distracted, unfocused and lacking willpower, I would sigh with disappointment and frustration.   

What I always ignored were all the amazing things I was simultaneously doing. All the ways I was focusing or achieving. All the ways I was kind and all the ways I was living a beautiful life every day. Both sides exist. There's always more I could do. I have more ideas and plans than will ever fit into a day. That is ok.  

So, I encourage you to BREATHE RIGHT NOW. Look out the window, or even better go outside and take in the sky and the trees. Stop being unkind and frustrated with yourself on the fourth day of the new year. That is not part of the plan. 

Here's the truth: it is always easier to make change from a place of love and acceptance of where you are right now than from a place of berating your current self. It's called the paradoxical theory of change and you can look it up. Begin from a place of amazement and encouragement and see what happens.

10 signs you need to change your relationship with your money

Money.  It's great to have money.  It lets us do what we want to do.  And it's no fun when there's not enough. Are you feeling financially overwhelmed, even though you have a pretty steady income of some sort? 

Check out this list and see how many of these apply to you:

1. You have no idea how much money is really coming in. You hope it’s enough. That’s all you know.

2. When you receive an unexpected cash gift, you go out right away and spend it on something impulsive. After all, you deserve a treat!

3. You feel great when you have $60-$100 in your wallet, and then can’t figure out where it went a day and a half later, when all that remains are some ones and a five.  Or if you only use your debit card, you feel flush after you’ve been paid and then wonder why you can’t make your money last until the next payday.

4. You find yourself often saying or thinking, “I can’t afford that!”

5. You have some debt, but you don’t really know how much.  If you added it all up you might start to cry.

6. You go into a store for a few things and come out with five additional cool items that were such a bargain you couldn’t pass them up.

7. You have fights or disagreements about money with your significant other.

8. You feel like managing your money is too complicated and you hate math and accounting and all of that calculating stuff.

9. You feel like if you had more money, all of your problems would be solved.

10. You feel like you don’t earn as much as you’re worth, but you have trouble asking for raises or raising your rates, or being paid fairly for your time and energy.

How many of these signs are true for you?  If you agreed with more than five of these statements, you’ll love my upcoming class, The Indulgent Path to Money Management, offered locally in New Orleans beginning October 22, 2014 and hosted by Audubon Yoga Studio on Octavia Street.

We’ll use the bright, clear space of the yoga studio to inspire us to turn our attention toward our finances in a simple yet effective way.

We’ll meet on four Wednesday evenings from 7:45 -9:00 p.m.October 22, November 5, November 12, and November 19. We’ll also have a private online group for support between classes.  Class investment: $157- with a guarantee that you'll come out ahead at the end of the course by more than that!

I've hosted this course multiple times over the phone, and by popular demand I'm offering an in-person version for locals who want more face-to-face interaction.

Want to learn more about the course and hear my story? click here for waay more details.

If you’re ready to make a shift and want some accountability and inspiration while you take action to turn towards your money in a fun and indulgent way that doesn’t feel like deprivation, you’ll want to join this course!  Also, if you've been "meaning to get around to this" for ages and have been stuck financially for a while, it may be worth it to invest some time and $$ into turning things around.  Learn to undo your unhealthy money habits.  Get some expert support.  Make a change that will last.  I did this with clutter recently, and it was so worth my investment!

Email carla@livingwildandprecious.com to enroll or to ask questions.  Put "money class" in the subject line.  Class size is limited and class starts soon, so if you are interested, sign up now!

Not local? I'll teach an online version in January - so make sure you're on my mailing list to be the first to know when enrollment opens!