Permission to live an ordinary extraordinary life

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There's a reason why Pippin is my favorite musical.  Pippin is seeking an extraordinary life.  He sings about it and he searches for it throughout the entire show. He tries everything. War, sex, revolution. Being king. Nothing is right.  In despair, he's taken in by a widow with a young son and he lives an ordinary and happy life on her estate for a year, until he leaves again, convinced that there must be something bigger and better out there - some way for him to do extraordinary things. With one last chance (spoiler alert) to go out literally in a blaze of glory, he balks.  He ends up on stage alone without sets, makeup, costumes or music.  The widow and the little boy come to hold his hands.  And he sings, "I wanted magic shows and miracles, mirages to touch; I wanted such a little thing from life, I wanted so much."  The last lines of the song are, "It never was there - I think it was here." It's ridiculous how it hits me. It chokes me up every time. It's a cheesy simple story, but I get it.  I get Pippin's quest for a meaningful life, and I get his discovery of the meaning in simple things like love, family and just existing.

There's so much beauty and happiness in the ordinary.  Today, a fire in the fireplace.  Hot chocolate.  King cake to celebrate the beginning of carnival season.  Puffy clouds. Yellow sycamore leaves.  Sunshine. Smiles. Simply being alive.

We're bombarded every day by stories of extraordinary people.  People who have raised zillions of dollars for clean water. People who turned ten bucks and an idea into a multimillion dollar business.  People who are changing the world in giant ways.  It's downright overwhelming.

There are so many choices today.  So many options.  So much possibility.  Even if you have an ordinary life, maybe you become famous because of your cute recipes.  Or your Instagram feed.  Or your memoir about your dog. Or your Youtube video.  If you're not famous, you should still be doing something that's interesting to someone and sharing it somewhere - Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest - oh my goodness, Pinterest! Land of ten thousand ideas for a cupcake!

I ran into a former student at the grocery store the other day.  She's amazing, intelligent, and has a great job as a writer for a local publication.  And she shared with me how she feels like she needs to be doing more.  How she feels this pressure to have made something bigger of her life by the tender age of 24.

Wow.  What is happening?  When did it become not enough to be a generally good person, make an honest living, take care of one's family, smile at the neighbors, and vote responsibly? Now that we have the capacity to reach nearly everyone on the planet with a tweet or a blog post, and the ability to read about nearly everyone in our assorted blogs and news websites and Facebook feeds, I see a lot of people (clients, myself, friends) running into "compare and despair."  Now it's not just the Joneses next door you're trying to keep up with, it's all of humanity!

It becomes more difficult to figure out what you want. There's research to back up how people don't choose when given too many choices.  They can't decide where to begin. The brain just shuts down.

Next thing you know, two hours have gone by while you've been scrolling through fascinating articles about amazing people, peppered with funny cat and dog videos. So what do you do?

Give yourself permission to live an ordinary extraordinary life.  Focus on your interactions with people in the now moment.  At the grocery store. With your family. With your friends.  Savor the king cake.  Notice the softness of the cat. The dance of the leaves falling from the trees across the street.

Sure, you can still have visions of extraordinary-ness.  I have my delusions of Oprah (I'm going to be taping for TV again this Friday! - no, not Oprah!!) I would love to figure out how to do something really big to change the world for the better.

But you know, I like being home.  I like talking to one or two people at a time.  I like napping.  These things make me happy.  And they don't destroy the environment. And the Dalai Lama says that if each of us simply strives to be happy, it's one of the best ways to change the whole world.

I'm teaching tonight about money.  And here's a hint about what I'm going to say.  All those infinite choices?  They screw with our money situation too.  They cause us to lose focus on what we really want.  It's like when you go to a buffet and you end up with a plate full of weird food that doesn't go together.  You're surrounded by food and yet you feel yucky and empty.

Get still.  Listen.  Listen to you.  Give yourself permission to lead the life you want. Simple as you want.  There's plenty of extraordinary in the ordinary.

What do you think?  Leave a comment and let's keep the conversation going!

Savoring Summer

Every year, when I think about summer, I notice this big competition in my brain. On the one hand, I picture all the good stuff from my childhood - a blank expanse of days to do with what I want, run around in the sprinkler, go to the pool, eat popsicles, ride bikes until it's too dark to see, read endlessly without interruption, and go camping!  On the other hand, the adult part of my brain stacks up a bunch of projects and tasks that are going to get done "this summer". Like my brand new website.  And cool programs I'm working on.  And lots of writing.  And house renovation stuff.  The list can get pretty long.  And worrying about or avoiding what's on the "adult" list or slogging through too many projects in one day both can cut into my ability to enjoy the fun stuff.  If I've worked all day I'm resentful that there wasn't some lovely pool time, and if I've avoided or worried instead, maybe "sneaking" some fun in like a marathon reading session of a book I can't put down, then I'm also kind of miserable, because I didn't do my work. This summer I've decided to change things up.  The first thing I realized I needed to change were my unreasonable expectations about what I can actually accomplish in a summer. Summer is not infinite, even though it seemed that way in early June back when we were seven years old.   The other thing I realized is that I was tired of not enjoying the "fun" things because I was only half there, the other half of me worrying about the big projects that were sitting untouched.  So I decided to get gentle with myself.  I sat down and created a beautiful vision board for summer with lots of relaxing pinks and blues, and words like "gentle", "short and sweet", "easy" and "celebrate".

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I decided to prioritize a couple of extra-fun things for myself.  I'm studying French!  I'm practicing French every day, something completely new to me, and it is such FUN! I'm also making sure there are plenty of excursions, big and small, this summer. About two days after I made this board, I headed out on the Appalachian Trail for a week, and look at what I saw on the first day!

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It's like my vision board came to life before my eyes, with the exact same colors.  The woods were full of pink rhododendrons and fluffy white mountain laurel.  The clouds and sky were lavender and blue.  Truly magical.

Oh, and the couple of big projects like my website and programs?  Now that I've given myself some space and permission to have some real and unobstructed fun, they're happening too, in a reasonable and happy way.  Free (mostly) of angst. I know - it sounds kind of pie in the sky. But it's amazing how some tiny mental shifts can make such a difference.

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If you're in a similar boat and want a little more help getting your summer straight and having it be a tasty mix of fun and getting stuff done, you're invited to my one hour class called Pie in the Sky! It's on Tuesday, June 25, 7:30 p.m. Central, on the phone (recorded if you can't make it live), and it's going to be fabulous!  Pie recipes will be included!  We'll figure out how you can savor your summer instead of slog through it, while still getting some major stuff accomplished. Details and sign up here. Come join if it feels delicious!

Are you missing the three-leafed clovers?

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I've had a really sick cat. (But he might be getting better.)  And I'm not beyond being a little superstitious, even when it's a bit silly.  So today, when we got home from the vet, he went out to rest in the grass and I decided to join him as I often do.  Grass time is always important. And while I was sitting there, amidst the clover, I thought I'd search for a four-leafed clover.  They're not as uncommon as you might think, and I thought finding one could be a sign. Something to comfort me.  To convince me that everything would be ok, and that Buster isn't on his ninth life just quite yet.  One like this one I found in about two minutes a month or so ago.

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So I ruffled through the leaves, gazed past all the three-leafed clovers, looking for my prize.  And then something happened.  I got caught up in how pretty the raindrops looked on the leaves.  I ruminated about the cycle of life, right there before me, in fresh clover flowers and ones that had already browned and gone to seed.  I noticed how many shades of green there are, just in clover leaves.

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And I realized I didn't need to find a four-leafed clover today.  I already had my prize.

How often in life do we skip over all the beautiful everyday moments - the three-leafed clovers- while we're waiting and searching, anticipating our prize - a big event, a vacation, something major to look forward to?  It's fascinating, isn't it?

How would life be different if we did a better job of noticing three-leafed clovers?  All the small miracles - all the beauty and magic that surrounds us.  How many millions of three-leafed clover moments are there - ready to be savored and appreciated?

What three-leafed clover moments have you noticed lately?  I would love to hear about them.  Share yours in the comments, if you like.

P. S. As I wrap up this post much later in the evening, I'm happy to report that the sweet cat has indeed revived, yet again.  And I am savoring every 3-leafed moment with him.

A Gregorian New Year's post - complete with manatees!

Yes! You're in luck!  The new year just started according to the Gregorian calendar, so today was Orthodox New Year's Day!  So if you were ready to give up and start again next year, don't despair!  You can start now!  Or re-start now! I don't know about you but I sometimes feel a little panicky right about mid-month in January.  What have I accomplished?  Am I on track to make 2013 the best year yet?  All of that ridiculous pressure-y stuff.

Then I remember my words for the year.  And I feel soo much better!  A lot of people, especially my coaching colleagues, pick a word or phrase for each year.  They distill their vision for the year down super small, small enough to fit on a Post-it, or to be embroidered on a tea towel, or carved in a pretty block of wood to be used as a door stop.  (I'm actually not sure anyone embroiders or carves their word or phrase of the year, but you get what I'm saying.)  So, while I was away with the dolphins and pelicans and bald eagles at the barrier island over New Year's (the first New Year's) I came up with my three words.

Every time I think of them I relax.  And I smile, and everything feels fabulous.  My three words are breathe, laugh and connect.  That's what I'm doing in 2013.  No building, no striving, no pushing.  I may build something, I may push a little - heck, I may even strive.  But that's not the main idea for 2013.  It's to breathe.  Because breathing brings me into the present moment and that's a fantastic place to be.  It's to laugh.  Because, really, without laughter, what exactly is the point?  It's to connect.  Because living is even richer when it includes sharing, fellowship and camaraderie with others. And with our most true selves.

Once I had my words of the year I decided to find out my animal totem of the year.  I used the amazing Sarah Seidelman's What the Walrus Knows app - one of my favorite ways to gain a little insight.  I let the application do the divining, and guess what my Beastie, as Sarah calls them, is?  It's perfect!  It's the manatee!  I bet it's in the manatee code to spend time breathing, laughing (however manatees do that - they certainly appear to be smiling!) and connecting.

And speaking of manatees, have you seen the calming manatee website? Click for a manatee and a calming message.  Everyone can use a calming manatee sometimes...

So please don't despair, midway through January!  There's plenty of time!  And feel free to take my words and use them yourself this year.  I wonder what the world would be like if all of us prioritized breathing, laughing, and connecting along with all of our other pressing to-dos...

Buster has the breathing part down...

Or if you have a word or phrase for yourself I'd love to hear it!  How is your new year going?  Email me or post your thoughts in the comments!

Chilling about the Holidays: Avoiding "Holiday Porn"

Holiday decorations, traditions, activities. Depending on how you approach it, it can all be a little overwhelming, especially if you're susceptible to the enticement of "holiday porn". But it doesn't have to be that way!  Here's how to notice and avoid the trap of "holiday porn" and stay chill about the holidays! You know how you'll page through magazines, scroll through Pinterest, glance at a window display or even go to someone else's house and see holiday decorations that kind of make you swoon?  And you imagine yourself maybe, in some other plane or universe, doing something like that in your own space?  And then the reality hits of what you really do for the holidays.

Those picture-perfect images?  They're what I like to refer to as "holiday porn."  I use the word "porn" like people use it when they say "food porn".  In this case, "porn" involves images depicting something ultra-idealized - not necessarily very realistic - even if it might be possible to recreate what's in the image.  Ultimately, when you get right down to it, it's not what you want in "real life."

What's interesting is that one person's "holiday porn" is another person's "just right, very realistic" reality.  And that's fine! The trick is knowing the difference, and knowing what you really want.  Amazingly, you can go to your body to get the answers.  If the image or idea feels open and refreshing, fun and interesting, and you feel light and happy thinking about decorating that way or making that project, then go for it!  If it feels tense and overwhelming and your body feels like it's closing up and retreating, and you feel that tightness in your chest or jaw when you picture trying to accomplish whatever you see in the photo or the display, then it's probably not your best choice.

What if you look at a magazine image and love it, love it, love it, but know that in reality it's just not going to happen?  Look closely.  What speaks to you in the image?  What do you really love?  What's the feeling you get looking at the picture?  Turns out that what you really want is the feeling state.  Think about something realistic for you that will give you the feeling state you're looking for.  If you see a picture of an immaculately decorated Christmas tree in front of a roaring fire and it gives you a feeling of coziness, but you don't have a fireplace and your tree was decorated by your two-year old, or you live in graduate housing and don't have a tree and will be traveling over the holidays, or there's some other reason that the image isn't your reality, then consider what does make sense for you to get that feeling of coziness.  Hot chocolate at your favorite coffee shop with a friend?  Curling up with your three dogs under a blanket and listening to Christmas carols while you write letters to your far-flung family members?  There are lots of ways to feel cozy.  Find the one that works for you!

Here's a recent example of "holiday porn" and "holiday not so porn" for me.  Remember - it's going to be different for everyone.  Interestingly, both of these ideas are from Martha Stewart, everyone's favorite "holiday porn" queen!   The first one was pretty to look at but an "absolute no" for me.  It's not that complicated, but it's just not floating my boat, and the image to me is also stark, a little lonely - no people! - and way too perfect.  This gingerbread house isn't gonna get made by me any time soon.  To me, gingerbread houses should be full of candy and made by kids, like the real ones I see friends posting on Facebook.  Or if they make you crazy, they should be skipped altogether!

In an earlier issue of Martha's magazine, I saw these cute little peanut butter and chocolate acorns and thought, "I could do them!  That would be fun!"  And so while I was vacationing at the beach with friends over Thanksgiving, I did just that.  I don't think Martha was picturing me sitting on the floor in my hotel room, watching TV while I made the little acorns, but it worked great for me!

They came out so cute and we all had a great time devouring them!

Is it "holiday porn" or not?  Only you can decide.  Listen to yourself, notice how you feel, and choose holiday activities, decorations, and events that make you feel good, not ones that create a reality you're not even interested in!

And remember, your feelings are allowed to change.  Just because you used to love  decorating six trees and making a miniature winter wonderland in the front yard for the past seventeen years doesn't mean you have to do that this year.  Traditions are tricky - listen to yourself and decide what you really, really want.  Holidays are meant to be savored, not slogged through.

How about you?  How do you stay chill through the holidays and avoid "holiday porn"?  What do you love most about the holidays?  What's your favorite tradition?