Three Words To Remember When You Get Frustrated With Others During The Holidays...

Whatever holidays you celebrate, there's a good chance you're interacting a little more with family and friends this week and next.  And sometimes that can bring up some conflict, or judgement, or just general blech feelings. 

Try this, next time Uncle Joe is making you nuts telling the same story, or your mom gets passive- aggressive, or your older sister starts bossing you like you're still eight years old. 

When your judgy voice in your head begins to say, "They're so ____________!"  add these three little words:  "...just like me."   

They get so upset over little things!  (just like me.  Yes.  I do that too, sometimes.) 

They're so bossy! (just like me.  Yes.  I can be bossy.) 

They're so caught up in their own lives! (just like me. Oh, yep, that happens to me too!) 

They're so discourteous!  (Just like me - sure I try, but I know I'm sometimes discourteous, sometimes when I don't mean to be.) 

They're in such a negative mood! (Just like me. I can be that way sometimes.) 

Their political viewpoints are so extreme! (Just like me.  Maybe I'm extreme in the other direction.  Actually, I'm pretty moderate, but I know I can find something I feel extremely strongly about!) 

They're too silly/serious/annoying/repetitive/needy.  Just like me. 

Try it.  See if it lightens your energy.  See if it helps you enjoy the time with these fellow human beings.

Craving company during the holidays? 7 ways to be merry with others

It's the most social time of the year and you're home with your houseplant.  Are you away from family and friends, maybe in a new city? Are you feeling lonely, bored, or antsy?  Do you gain most of your your energy from time with people? Here are seven quick tips when you need the company of others during the holidays. 

1. Scan Meetup groups, Facebook events, or your local newspaper. In the social media era, there are always so many cool things going on and they're easier and easier to find!  Don't be afraid to go alone - you'll surely meet some kindred spirits to conspire with!

2. Volunteer. Soup kitchens.  Homeless shelters. Old folks homes.  There's no better cure for solo ennui than striking up a conversation with someone who could really use the company.  Be present and compassionate for others and feel your spirits lift!

3. House sit for someone with a dog, and head to a dog park.  Meet other friendly dog people and enjoy the romping excited energy of happy pups!  Or just volunteer to take a busy friend's dog out for the afternoon.

4. Create your own random kindness activity.  Hand out candy canes or flowers.  Write sweet notes and pass them out.  Bake cookies and set up a "free cookie table" at a nearby park.  Be creative. Maybe someone will video you, it will go viral and you'll end up with a spot on the Today Show! :)

5. Go to a class.  Fitness.  Yoga.  Pottery painting.  Cooking.  There are so many fun ways to hang out with others and learn something too.

6. Make your own party, large or small.  Invite new friends to a cookie baking party.  Or a wine tasting, or holiday card writing.  Or Netflix watching. Or something else you love but would love to do with someone else.  Ask one or two people to join you for breakfast, lunch, coffee, a walk, or your other favorite thing.  It's really common for people to assume that everyone else is busy during the holidays, but it's not true!  Ask and you'll be surprised who's also looking for company!

7. Just open up and smile.  Strike up conversations with strangers.  It's amazing how people want to share but don't always perceive the invitation.  Be a good listener.  When you find someone whose personality resonates with yours, stick around.

If you're new to town or just finding yourself on your own it's easy to believe that everyone else is already set with a scintillating social life and no room for you.  But the truth is there are plenty of other people out there looking for something fun and happy to do with someone kind and pleasant - you!

And if some of your invitations and welcoming overtures are turned down, that's ok!  Don't let one"No, I can't make it this weekend" mean anything except that person is busy, tired, or maybe trying to get some down time - see link below!

Need quiet time during the holidays? 9 ways to get some space.

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Are you an introvert who plays an extrovert on TV?  Or are you simply a straight-up introvert?  Try these tips when you need a break from the parties, the football games, the relatives, and the crowds.  

1. Offer to house sit.  Then you can go to someone else's empty home and visit with their cat or plants or whatever you're watching.  You'll have an oasis of quiet and you can get away any time by simply exclaiming, "Oh! I just remembered!  I need to go to _______'s house and feed their bird/cat/iguana/boa constrictor."

2. Take a walk.  Before or after a meal, at half time, in the morning, at sunset - these are all great times to say, "I'm going out for a walk.  I'll see y'all in about a half hour or so." If people want to join you and you'd prefer to be completely alone, explain that you'll be doing a silent walking meditation. Which brings us to a wonderful alone-time option:

3. Meditate.  Sometimes people understand "I'm off to do my daily meditation" better than "I really need some alone time."  So whether you have a rich and fulfilling meditation practice or not, you can go to a room, close the door, and be by yourself, whether you're silently chanting a mantra or just relaxing with your thoughts.

4. Nap.  Jet lag.  General holiday exhaustion.  Getting over a cold or the flu.  A late night of partying.  There are so many reasons to offer why you might need to spirit yourself away for a delicious restorative nap.  If you're not tired but just want to be alone, you can bring a magazine or book under the covers with you. Holidays are made for napping.  Find your favorite cozy spot and prioritize the daily holiday nap.

5. Go running.  If you're an athlete, there's nothing like a solo run to clear your head and give you space for yourself.  Pop in your favorite tunes, put on your headphones and hustle out the door.  Or choose to take in the sounds of nature - breezes through the branches, rustling leaves, crunching frost underfoot- you'll be restored in no time!

6. Volunteer to go to the store for the last minute grocery items/batteries/baked goods/whatever.  Sure, you'll have to brave the crowds, but you don't have to interact with strangers except to smile peacefully, so it's almost like being on your own!  Then take an extra detour on the way home, stop at a park or a view-- or just sit in the parking lot! - and enjoy five or ten minutes of quiet for yourself.

7. Take a long bath. Add a lot of bath salts. Light some candles.  Climb in and close your eyes.  Ahhhh.

8. Go to a museum, house of worship or other quiet indoor space.  If you're in a place where temps are below freezing, you can get your alone time inside.  Even in the most crowded museum in New York City, you'll find rooms and galleries where there's hardly a soul. Relax on a bench and stare at a painting for 20 minutes.  Or go to a place of worship, light a candle and sit in silent contemplation.

9. Just stay home. There's no rule that says you have to attend every social event that's available.  If you're 18 or over, even if you feel social pressure to be everywhere, know that you have all the choice in the world to do what you really want.  Take advantage of that.  Unplug your phone, disconnect your computer, make some tea or hot cocoa and curl up with a good book.  If you need to, tell folks you'll be out of town.  Then stay put and enjoy. Ahhh.

Get Permission For What You Want

My mentor, Martha Beck, says it all the time. The coaches I hang out with online talk about it constantly.  Create a life of rest and play.  Rest and play.  Rest and play.  It sounds so wonderful.  But how do you actually do it? How do you give yourself permission to really live life that way? 

The holidays are a perfect time to try shifting your life to one of more rest and more play. The best way to do this is to listen to your body. Chances are, your body is craving rest and you're ignoring it because there's so much to do, do, do!  Try listening.  Try using my sweet cat (or your own pet, as long as it's not a gerbil - they're pretty hyper) as a role model.  Lay down. Let out a nice deep sigh.  Really rest.  Then rest some more. Rest until you honestly don't want to rest anymore.  

If you have small kids, a demanding job, or other stuff that keeps you from resting, just do your best.  Even if all you have time for is the deep sigh, let your body feel that "resting in place" feeling, while you breathe a couple of really sweet breaths. And then look for how you can gift some rest to you and everyone around you.  Skip the party.  Chuck the cookie making.  Dump a couple of your holiday expectations in favor of something slow and easy. 

I'm still learning about rest, but when I do it makes such a difference.  I haven't been sick with a cold or other illness in a LOOOONG time and I think it's partly because I let my body rest.Especially if you've been sick at all, give yourself permission to rest.  (I can tell already - I'll be focusing on rest in 2014 - it's what we all need!) 

Once you're rested enough?  Think about play!  What feels fun? No, really.  What feels fun?Mary Poppins was right.  Work feels more fun when you add in some play.   (That's the other thing I'll be focusing on in 2014, beginning with playful ways to manage your $$!)  I have a pretty play-filled life as it is. but I'm always looking for ways to enjoy life more, worry less, and help you do the same. 

What felt fun and playful to me this week was making sock dolls with my fifth grade mentee, coaching some amazing clients, hosting a "virtual campfire" with the wonderful women of Wild and White Blazing,  taking silly selfies in the green room before going on TV to talk about "holiday p*rn" (on The 504, Wednesday at 9 p.m.!), enjoying cocktails at the famous Sazerac bar with 15 wonderful wild and precious ladies, and best of all?  Getting free tickets to the holiday home tour to peek in on some serious holiday opulence with my sweetheart. Oh, and then there were the Acrocats... see below for more on them!  Wow - sometimes I forget how much fun I have! 

Go back over your week.  Was there enough fun? Does it help to remind yourself of the good stuff?  Is there enough in your life that feels like play? What can you switch up to create a more play-filled week?  Having trouble giving yourself permission for fun and play? Reply to this email with your questions and I'll answer them in an upcoming post! (And if that activity list above made you tired just reading it?  Go back to resting! Give yourself permission to rest!)